Going back to work

OK so going back to work really sucks. I start back tomorrow and I am already depressed. I have been okay until just now. I started packing her bag and getting her bottles ready for tomorrow and it hit me like a brick wall. IT SUCKS!!! I just don't want to leave her. I am going to miss her smell, her smile, her cry and her hugs. I know that she will be safe and her teacher will call if anything happens, but leaving her is just too hard. I really wish I didn't have to go back, but I do. Hopefully tomorrow will go by fast and I will be busy enough to not think about it too much. I am just dreading it. I will keep you posted on how we do, but it really SUCKS!!!

It's been a while

WOW! I didn't realize that I haven't posted since Miss Sadie came home. There have been lots of sleepless nights and just getting used to having her home, but she has done so well. I knew that life was going to change when I had kids, but lots of things have changed. I love my daughter and am just so glad that she is here and healthy and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
Since I am in a good mood, that is all for now. But I do have lots to say, just not now...
I do start back to work soon and I know that is going to be really hard, so I am sure I will be back soon.

Almost here...

I was told today that it may be as soon as 2 weeks or less before Sadie comes home. She has gained over a pound and is eating a bottle a day now. Once she can eat all of her feedings she will be home soon. We were also told that this means that we have to find her a car seat. So we went searching for one suitable for her. She is not even 4 lbs yet, but the lady said as long as it says 4 lbs on the side we should be good. There was ONE. Not one at one store but ONE TOTAL!!! I have searched on line and in several differend stores. And guess what, it is one of the most expensive ones out there. WOW!!! Anyways, we will do whatever we have to to have her home, but it is super frusterating that they don't have more than one to choose from. We still have lots to do before she gets home. THe floors are supposed to be in tomorrow so Kevin will be working on that when he gets home from work next week and weekend. The bed is here, but we have to put it together. The changing table is about to be ordered. So we are almost ready, still a lot to do, but I can't wait to have her here at home.

Sometime it's hard

Sometime it's hard having a baby in the NICU. I love her so much now that she is here, but it is so hard to leave her. Every time I see her I don't want to leave her. Then when I am not with her I feel guilty. I know that I cannot be with her all the time right now, but it just hurts. Some days are better than others, but today is not one of those days. I am so glad that she is as healthy as she is, but she is just so tiny. Weighing in at only 2 lbs 8 oz when she was born she still has some growing to do. Sometimes I question myself as to what I did wrong, or what I could have done differently. I wish I knew what made me go into labor that day. I wish I knew why she was so ready to be here. I wish my baby was home with me right now.

I know she is doing very well for as early as she is. I have to keep reminding myself of that. And I understand that she cannot come home until she is ready, I do understand that. And I know that someone else is watching over her to make sure of that. But it still hurts...
I want my baby home with me.

Letter to Sadie

Dear Little Sadie,

Little Bit, Peanut, Angel, Precious, Daughter…

Every time I see you, I don’t want to leave.
Every time I hold you, I don’t want to put you down.
Every time I bathe you, I don’t want it to end.
Every time I touch you, I don’t want to stop.
Every time I hold your little hand, I don’t want to let it go.
Every time I kiss you, I want to kiss you more.
Every time I change your stinky little diaper, I want to do it again.
Every time I look into your little eyes, I don’t want to close mine.
Every time I think of you, I smile.

Just know that when we are not with you, you are in our hearts and minds always.
Know that you will always be loved.
Know that you are what keeps us going.
Know that each time we see you it brings joy to our lives.
Know that you are the most precious thing in the world to us.
Know that there are lots of people that are praying for you each and every day.
Know that we miss you dearly.
Know that you have a home to come to when you are ready.
And know that your parents love you very much.

You are the light of our lives and we cannot wait for you to come home. But until then we want you to grow big and strong and behave yourself for all of your wonderful nurses in the NICU.

We love you very much,
Mommy and Daddy